I am

I am complicated.

That statement is so true.
Self has gotten so lost that I am a jumble of emotions, thoughts, and actions that are just across the board. I need some continuity. I realize I have never had that. Some type of timeline for my future. A road that I know is leading somewhere. A road to sanity if you will. At the same time I am so fearful. I am an emotional person by nature. I don’t want that to change. I don’t want it to be hindered by my having to seem a certain way or behave in a certain manner. My sanity or lack thereof is part of me. I embrace that and at the same time I’m doing everything in my power to push it away. I just wish I could get things straight. Figure it out without having to go through this process.
Will I like the person I find? Will it still be me just maybe a better version? Only time will tell.