been a while

since I set the time out to write about what I've been feeling. I think it's because I don't want to see it laid out there in the open. Even to myself I sometimes sound like a record stuck on one note, the same thoughts floating around inside my head. I'm in this rut that I don't think I'll ever be able to dig myself out of. I lay the blame on no one but myself. I mean I've gotten my wake up call. Coming home after being in the hospital you would think the changes would come easily. Well they're not. I don't know if it's because I still don't feel well or because mentally I'm just tired. Sometimes no matter how many people you have around you, supporting you, that feeling of being totally alone just doesn't go away. The list of things I need to work on just keeps getting longer. Who said the road to self improvement would be easy?