One of those days...

When we are growing up they always told us to watch our mouths. Not bully and be kind. As we get older I think  we have to be reminded at times that it still holds true. You have to be kind, watch what you say and how you act towards people. You don't know their circumstances or what they may do if someone/thing rubs them the wrong way. It could be a stranger that says something hurtful, it could be a friend who is just downright mean. So many things can affect how you are going about your day. So many things can be said or done that can send someone off the deep end or maybe want to hurt themselves. You can't be judgmental because you would handle tings differently or talk about people you know nothing about. Not everyone fits into the same box. That's what makes this world an interesting place to be. If we all reacted in the same way to things people would get bored. A world of gray and no colors be amazed by. 

On that note: I woke up in a good mood and I let one person destroy that. I hate that I allow a person, no matter who it is, have that control over me. How I, an adult who makes decisions on my own every day can let someone make me feel like a failure. Make me feel like I can't get better or achieve the greatness I so want to go after. I allow that person to get into my head and mess with the way I look at myself. I know it's my choice to allow it but this is how I've been my whole life. From the parents telling me I'm selfish and will amount to no good to the sibling who always said I was fat and ugly. To the men that stole my innocence and made me feel like there was no other way to live. Now some people will read this and tell me to get over it. But there is just so much, even at my age, that I have not dealt with. No shrink or therapist can help. Until I find that thing, that thing that makes those feeling diminish I fight, everyday. I look in the mirror and I hate what I see, what I allowed myself to become. Some days, when I let these people get in my head I feel like I don't have any more fight left. But I'm a Mom. They are what I live for. I will suffer inside, and on the days like today when I cry because I can't hold it in anymore and they ask why, I will tell them like I always do, "Mom is just having a bad day". Then I bury it, smile and move on. And on those days when I can't move on I'll look at them and tell myself I have no choice. Because my love for them is greater then the love I have for myself. 

Today is not my best day but I will get through it and tomorrow will wake up and pray that it gets better. 

It's 1/5/2011 at 1154 Ready or not...GO