It's officially my birthday

I'm 41. Really? Where the heck did all the time go. It's funny because on some days I feel like I'm at death's door and on others I feel like I could rule the world. It's been a while since I've felt the latter but I remember those days and I miss them.
 My goal this year, to live. Live life to the fullest and not let this friggin disease get me. I've been struggling so much lately and I am just so tired. Tired of the control it has over me. There are some major decisions I have to make. I need to dissect my life and the way I'm living and make the changes that will make me happy. Ones that I know will make my life, my families life better in the long run. Scares the crap out of me really because as I'm writing this I'm already doubting myself. That ugly voice in my head that makes me question my every move. I have to beat her ass and stick her in a box somewhere, show her who's boss. I want to be happy again. I'm going to fight to be happy again.
It's the greatest gift I can give myself.