Well last night

was a sucky night. It always seems harder at night. I think it's the quiet. Which is surprising because I really like the quiet during the daytime. But at night when everything is turned off and all I have are the thoughts in my mind, things get ugly. I think that's why I leave the TV turned on most of the time. I may not be paying attention but at least the sounds of Roseanne yelling at Darlene and Becky fill the air and stops me from thinking too much. I have so much to do today and very little energy to do it. Everyday lately just seems like a broken record. I have to get myself out of this rut and start to get things done. I want to call my psych but I'm afraid to. I hate that sound of concern in her voice every time I call her. Then when she asks that dreaded question that they are required to ask I always have to lie and tell her no. I don't like lying but honesty sometimes is not the best route. One Rock Star down and nothing. These things don't work for crap. I want a brownie.